Menopause and Fatigue: The Hidden Cost of Keeping Everyone Happy

One of the biggest shifts I see in women during menopause has nothing to do with hot flushes, sleep or weight. It is the moment they realise they are exhausted from explaining themselves.

I hear it quietly in clinic all the time.
“I just don’t have the energy anymore.”
Often followed by a pause and a hint of guilt.

What women are usually talking about is not just physical tiredness. They are talking about relationships, emotional labour and the constant effort of holding everything together. Menopause brings a powerful change in energy and with that change comes clarity.

In Japan, there is a word often used for this stage of life: kōnenki. It is sometimes translated as menopause, but its meaning is closer to “the renewal years”. Not an ending, not a decline, but a turning point. A time when the body asks for a different rhythm and a woman is invited to live with more honesty about her energy, her needs and her limits. I often think about this when women tell me they feel “done” during menopause. Perhaps they are not done at all. Perhaps they are simply recalibrating.

How Menopause Strips Away What No Longer Fits

Menopause has a way of clearing the noise. People pleasing starts to fade, over explaining feels unnecessary and carrying everyone else emotionally begins to feel heavy.

This is not a personality shift. It is a physiological one. As oestrogen fluctuates and declines, its influence on serotonin and dopamine changes too. These chemicals play an important role in mood, tolerance and emotional resilience. At the same time, cortisol often runs higher due to chronic stress, busy lives and years of pushing through.

The result is simple. What once felt manageable now feels overwhelming. This is why women in menopause often say they have less patience. Their emotional bandwidth has narrowed and they can no longer afford to waste precious energy on dynamics that drain them.

Low Energy in Menopause Isn’t Laziness or Failure

When women say, “I just don’t have the energy anymore,” it is often misunderstood. Energy is a biological resource. It is shaped by blood sugar balance, sleep quality, stress load, inflammation and hormonal changes. When energy drops, the body becomes far more selective about where it spends it.

This is why tolerance for nonsense often disappears during menopause. It is not bitterness. It is biology meeting wisdom. Women stop smoothing things over. They stop carrying emotional imbalance in relationships. They stop explaining themselves just to be understood. Low energy during menopause is not weakness. It is a signal and many women finally listen.

Why Boundaries Matter More Than Supplements

One of the most important shifts during menopause is the rise of boundaries. Boundaries are not about pushing people away. They are about protecting health. Chronic stress worsens menopause symptoms including fatigue, anxiety, weight gain, sleep disruption and mood changes. When relationships consistently trigger stress, the nervous system never truly settles.

This is where I often remind women of something important. You cannot out supplement a life that drains you. Healthy boundaries support nervous system regulation, steadier blood sugar, better sleep and more stable moods. They are not optional extras. They are a core part of menopause health. And yes, this can change how women show up in relationships with men.

What Changes When Women Choose Themselves

When women start choosing themselves, I see very practical changes. They simplify their routines. They eat more regularly and more intentionally. They drink less alcohol. They protect their sleep. They say no without explaining.

Confidence grows not from mindset work alone, but from feeling physically and emotionally safer in their bodies. This is why menopause often transforms relationships. Some deepen, some improve and some quietly fall away. Not every relationship is meant to survive every version of us.

Menopause Is a Reset, Not a Decline

Menopause is not the end of anything. It is a recalibration. It is a return to strength, honesty and self respect. It is the moment health becomes non negotiable. It is when women stop shrinking themselves to keep others comfortable.

This clarity does not make women difficult. It makes them well. When energy is supported, boundaries are respected and relationships feel balanced, women thrive. Confidence becomes natural, not forced or performative, but grounded.

If you recognise yourself in this, know this. You are not failing at relationships. You are listening to your body. Menopause is an invitation to live with more intention, better health and deeper self respect.

If you would like practical, realistic guidance on supporting your energy, hormones and wellbeing during this phase, my book Have a Magnificent Menopause: A Straightforward Guide to Looking Good and Feeling Great brings together nutrition, lifestyle and mindset strategies that actually work in real life. Link below.

Menopause is not about losing yourself. It is often where you finally come home to who you are.