I Watched My Mum Suffer Through Menopause in Silence. That’s Why I Speak Up Now
My mum never talked about menopause.
She just got on with it, like so many women of her generation did. I remember the exhaustion, the unpredictable moods, the weight gain that crept up overnight. There were moments she’d cry alone in the kitchen or snap without warning. She wasn’t herself, but she couldn’t put it into words and no one around her thought to ask why. Not the doctor. Not friends. Not even us, her family. We all saw the changes, the tiredness, the short fuse, the flatness in her eyes but we didn’t question it. We just assumed she was run-down, moody, or “getting older.” The truth is, she was struggling. And the silence around menopause meant no one recognised it for what it was.
Looking back now, I can see it for what it was unmanaged perimenopause. Her hormones were shifting. Her energy, sleep, mood and confidence were all being affected. But no one gave her the words, the tools or the support to understand what was going on. Eventually, after many visits to the doctor, she was prescribed hormone replacement therapy (HRT). For the first time in years, I saw her come back to life. Her energy returned. Her mind felt clearer. She seemed more at ease in herself again. The change was undeniable.
But then everything changed.
The silence around menopause cost her and it still costs women today
In 2002, the results of the Women’s Health Initiative (WHI) study were released. The headlines were alarming: “HRT increases the risk of breast cancer, heart disease and stroke.” Like so many others, my mum panicked. She came off HRT almost overnight.
Her symptoms returned almost immediately. The sleepless nights, fatigue, anxiety and joint pain crept back in. But this time, she said nothing. She simply got on with it again suffering in silence, because she was frightened and confused. And I watched, knowing she deserved so much more.
What we now know is that the WHI study was far more complex than the headlines suggested. The average participant was 63 years old, well beyond the typical age to start HRT. The treatment used involved older synthetic hormones that are different from the body-identical options available today. And for women under 60 or those in early menopause, later analysis found that HRT may actually offer protective benefits for heart health and bones.
But by then, the damage was done. Trust had been broken. Women had lost confidence. Many GPs stopped prescribing HRT and an entire generation was left to cope without support.
The point is not that HRT is the solution to everything, it’s that women deserve the full picture
HRT is not a one-size-fits-all solution. Some women thrive on it. Some cannot take it. Others prefer to explore natural options or combine both approaches. I support every woman in making the decision that’s right for her but that decision must be made with clear, balanced, evidence-based information.
My mum didn’t have that. Most women still don’t. And that is exactly why I speak up.
Because this isn’t just about hormones. It’s about how menopause is still surrounded by silence, shame and misinformation. And that silence can have a deep and lasting impact not just on symptoms, but on quality of life, relationships, careers and mental health.
We have to stop treating menopause like a slow decline. Menopause is not the end. It is not a disease. And it is certainly not something to simply endure or push through. It is a transition a powerful physiological and emotional shift that deserves support, recognition and care.
Every day I work with women who tell me:
“I don’t feel like myself anymore.”
“I’m gaining weight but eating better than ever.”
“I feel tired all the time, even after a full night’s sleep.”
“My skin has changed. My mood has changed. I’ve changed.”
These are not women who are doing something wrong. They are women navigating a stage of life that’s been ignored, under-researched and under-supported for far too long.
What real menopause support looks like
Whether or not you choose to take HRT, there are many ways to support your body and mind through perimenopause and menopause. It’s about looking at the whole picture nutrition, sleep, stress, mindset and lifestyle.
These are the pillars I use with my clients:
Balancing blood sugar to stabilise energy, mood and hot flushes
Prioritising protein to support metabolism, muscle and hormonal function
Moving daily to improve cardiovascular health, reduce anxiety and aid sleep
Supporting liver and gut health to improve digestion, skin and hormonal clearance
Reducing stress and setting boundaries to protect mental wellbeing
There is no magic bullet. But there are small, powerful steps that make a difference.
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